The Daily Zak

Glamour Pander

2009-03-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

Glamour magazine released an "American Icon" issue. They had young famous women photographed as legendary women. This is a fun idea and will probably introduce a younger generation to these icons. The women range from Amelia Earhart to "Rosie the Riveter". It also includes this surprising choice:

Alicia Keyes as Michelle Obama. Who's been in the public eye for about 2 years. She is now an ICON. Why you ask? Here's what Glamour says:

Not only is Obama the first African American filling the position, but she’s already making best-dressed headlines for a style that ranges from couture to J.Crew.

That's right, she's an icon because she's black and dresses well. Interesting that there is no Condaleeza Rice- she's black and has actually accomplished something for America. But that's just not hip right now, is it?

Insert Eye Roll Here

2009-02-19T09:12:00.001-08:00

Our new attorney general, Eric Holder, was gracious enough to share his thoughts recently:

"Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards," said Holder, nation's first black attorney general.

Race issues continue to be a topic of political discussion, Holder said, but "we, as average Americans, simply do not talk enough with each other about race."

Mr. Holder is right. I had not even thought about the issue of race at all until he brought it up. There has been no discussion of it by any media source over the last 2 years. It is never brought up in the classroom and there are no months dedicated to the issue. I mean, it has been virtually forgotten!

I am so thankful that we finally have someone courageous enough to take a stand on this issue. Wake up, America! We need to START talking about race.

Ranty Ranterton

2009-02-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

This is a bar of soap. It is the perfect shape for holding in your hand while washing in the shower or bath. Do you know what this is not for? Washing your hands in the sink.

I'm not sure why, but I have had several guest bath experiences lately where a bar of soap is the only cleaning product available. Here's the problem: you either grab for the bar of soap and it's stuck to the counter (because the same soap-bar-in-bathroom people do not use a soap holder), or else it hasn't quite dried and you have to feel the soap slime on the bottom. Neither situation is desirable.

This is what you should be using:

It comes in a variety of scents, there are decorative bottles available, and it's only about $2. Please...make sure you have some the next time you have guests over!

And while we're on the subject of guest bathrooms...can you please have a hand towel out? There is nothing worse than washing your hands and turning around only to discover bath towels. I feel bad washing my hands on the towel you shower with. Besides...it has your germs on it. And if you're having a party with a lot of people, please have 2 towels. Because it's no fun to dry your hands on a wet towel that 10 other people have already used either.

I know you can't WAIT to have me at your next party now...

Memory Lane

2009-02-11T16:23:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a co-worker today about how much fun it would be to dive into a pile of your own money. She thought it would probably hurt if it was all coins. I disagreed. After all, it never hurt Scrooge McDuck!

That got me to thinking about the good old days of cartoons. I can still sing this theme song:

And the fam still references this gem:

I Love Email Forwards

2009-02-10T16:56:00.000-08:00

This was sent with this title: "What brought down the plane in the Hudson River?"

Stop The Chicken Counting...They Have Not Hatched!

2009-01-24T20:15:00.000-08:00

I have read several articles on Obama lately, and quite a number of them have had lines like this:

"But they know they're in a fight now. And it probably won't let up for eight years."

Is the president now elected to an 8 year term? Or are we already assuming, after 4 days in office, that he's a shoo-in for re-election?

I also heard that someone has suggested that we eliminate the 22nd amendment. REALLY? Again, 4 days in office and we already need him longer than the (possible) 8 we could get him?

FYI

2008-10-12T09:02:00.001-07:00

If you are not voting for Obama, you are a racist. There can't possibly be another explanation.

The Mother Country

2008-04-23T11:22:00.001-07:00

Please refer anyone you hear complaining about being taken from Africa to this story. Feel free to head back there- they're not really more advanced than they were 200 years ago.

Words Of Wisdom

2008-04-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

With all the talk by the democratic candidates for President promising bigger and bigger government, I thought this quote was amazingly relevant:

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

-Thomas Jefferson

Al Gore? Untruthful? Couldn't Be!

2008-04-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

ABC news' 20/20 did a piece on Hollywood's portrayal of weather events. Turns out some footage AlGore passed off as real was actually not. He used a clip from "The Day After Tomorrow" to show evidence of polar ice caps melting, but failed to mention the footage was entirely CG. Just add this to the long list of inaccuracies in his "documentary".

Warming Means It's Supposed To Be Warmer, Right?

2008-04-21T15:17:00.001-07:00

It snowed. In April. In Washington State.

Shameful

2008-04-17T15:25:00.000-07:00

H-I-Larious

2008-04-02T17:32:00.001-07:00

From my friend Kerry...

Ow!

2008-03-31T17:17:00.000-07:00

Barb sent me this link and I can't stop watching it.

Are You Sure?

2008-03-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the awesome new South Park website, you can view every single episode of South Park, and search for clips like this one. I'm not just sure this website is awesome, I'm HIV positive!

Guess The Gimp

2008-03-27T08:07:00.001-07:00

First Jake G., now this person. What super trendy person was spotted outside Hollywood hotspot Doughboy's recently?

Baby's First Blog Post

2008-03-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

UPDATE! Now with real photo!

Congratulations to Miss Nikki: Adeline was born on March 25th. So cute!

Yikes.

2008-03-24T15:34:00.000-07:00

Jeepers Peepers

2008-03-23T13:01:00.000-07:00

But wait, there's more! Hoppy Easter!

Nubs!

2008-03-23T08:58:00.001-07:00

I am a sucker for animal stories, and this one is pretty good. Nubs the dog was running wild in Iraq and soldier Brian Dennis decided to start taking care of him. They aren't allowed to have animals in the army, so friends and strangers raised money to have him sent back to Brian's home in San Diego. They were just reunited a few days ago, and Nubs couldn't be happier. The name Nubs comes from his ears that were sliced off by an Iraqi. It's supposed to make the dogs meaner and more alert. Way to fight that barbaric stereotype Iraqis!

The Real Inconvenient Truth?

2008-03-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure this day would come, but it seems as though people are finally starting to wake up to the man-made global warming hoax. Thanks to new data from NASA's Aqua satellite, scientists are getting a better idea of the cause of temperature fluctuation. In the last 10 years, the earth's temperature hasn't risen, it's gone down and plateaued. In a great article from the Australian, a scientist had this to say:

With catastrophe off the agenda, for most people the fog of millennial gloom will lift, at least until attention turns to the prospect of the next ice age. Among the better educated, the sceptical cast of mind that is the basis of empiricism will once again be back in fashion. The delusion that by recycling and catching public transport we can help save the planet will quickly come to be seen for the childish nonsense it was all along.

Amen!

Related?

2008-03-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

I've never seen Serena and 50 in the same room...

Serena's dad was kind enough to enlighten everyone on the 'racism' that exists in tennis:

He said the media treated his daughters unfairly, that it was “the worst media job that they have done on any human being in the world,” and that if he were Serena and Venus, he would have quit playing.

“But if you get some little white no-good trasher in America like Tracy Austin or Chris Evert, who cannot hit the ball, they (the media) will claim this is great,” he said.

Really, Serena's dad? The WORST media job on any human being in the WORLD?

Better Late Than Never

2008-03-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late on this bandwagon as over 9.1 million people have viewed this already, but it's so cute! Cats! Talking Cats!

Eat More Bran, Less Chocolate

2008-03-19T14:04:00.001-07:00

Why does Rosie always look constipated?

Seriously, They're SO Comfortable

2008-03-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

Enough with the crocs already! They are perfect for going to check the mail, or a quick grocery store run. They are not for photo spreads about your perfect family Jennie Garth!

Mama Mia!

2008-03-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Very excited!

$10 Advertising Campaign

2008-03-18T13:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know why these billboards bug me, but they do. Perahps it's because it took all of 5 minutes to create them. Maybe it's because they're trying so hard to create some sort of 'buzz' by these vague billboards that lead you to a faux blog. Oh well, I'll still be seeing the movie.

Word To Your Awesome Website

2008-03-17T09:59:00.001-07:00

If this picture doesn't make you laugh, this website isn't for you. Funny captions on pictures that range from the humorous to gross.

Poor Little Rich Gimp

2008-03-17T08:16:00.001-07:00

Seriously, no one wants to hear about how awful your life is. Hop away and blow your nose in the pile of money you got that you didn't deserve.

UPDATE:

The one-legged wonder threw a cup of water on Paul's attorney after the judgement was announced. What a class act. She's officially single boys!

The Audacity Of Barack

2008-03-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

Barack claims that he only heard about "one or two" statements from his racist pastor when he put him on his leadership committee. He also claims to have never attended any of the controversial sermons. Seems a little convenient, doesn't it?

I wasn't a Barack fan anyway, but his handling of this situation truly concerns me. What is his threshold for acceptable racist comments? Is it just 'one or two'? And will he apply this questionable judgement to other important issues? Are 'one or two' dictators who preach death to America okay?

On a side note, I was particularly bothered by one statement Reverend Wright made. He said that (I'm paraphrasing here) the white man "created the 3-strike law to keep the black man down". Did the white man also force the black man to commit the three crimes? Is the white man running around holding guns to black men's heads forcing them to break the law? At what point is black society going to step up to the plate and take responsibility for itself? When someone guns someone down in cold blood, it's not because their ancestors were slaves. So stop the excuses and start making better choices.

More Helpful Advice From The Vatican

2008-03-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

So...raping kids doesn't make the list but not recycling does?

Drudge Does It Again

2008-02-24T07:58:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure if Drudge or the author of the linked article came up with the title, but it's genius either way.

This Girl Deserves Your Money, Right?

2008-02-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

This is Stephanie Solis. Her parents came here illegally so she's illegal too. Thanks to the touching story by a sympathetic college reporter (cue violin music), we are now encouraged to feel sorry for her. The horrors she's had to suffer include: Commuting 6 HOURS on the bus because she can't get a drivers license. Having to take time off between quarters because she can't afford to go full time. Being FORCED to take a part-time job to pay for college. Trouble cashing checks and getting a library card.

I can understand that it must be frustrating to have to live with the consequences of your parents' mistake. However, having to ride the bus and working a part time job to pay for college are things that are hardly unique to the illegal experience. What's frustrating to me is that there are people who hear this story and want to pass laws that would allow poor Stephanie to receive public money to go to college. After all, it's not her fault she's here illegally, right? True. But this story should serve as a warning for anyone who is thinking about cutting in the citizenship line. Life is tough when you break the rules. Now that the article is linked on Drudge I'm sure Obama will use it as an excuse to champion her cause. He's mentioned (or should I say preached) wanting to pass laws allowing illegal children to receive public money.

Our schools are already crowded whith children who do not speak English and compromise the education of kids who do. A large number of the families of the illegal children do not value education and therefore put no pressure on them to focus and do well. The bar is so low for them that they celebrate junior high graduation the way most of us did high school graduation. Limos, huge parties, tuxes and fancy dresses. The reason being that they don't expect the kids to graduate high school.

Obama, if you're listening: GIVING FREE EDUCATION TO ILLEGALS WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE MORE OF THEM TO COME HERE. That's not a good thing. Enough of my money already goes to funding free medical care, free primary education and higher insurance rates due to uninsured drivers. I don't want more of an incentive for more people to decide they'd like a better life on my dime. We all want a better life by the way- I just wish more people would choose to work for it.

Amen

2007-04-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

This pretty much says it all. Cartoon via Barb.

Just Shut Up.

2007-04-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

When a tragedy like Virginia happens, it's hard to find words to express your feelings. In cases like these, I suggest limiting your remarks, or saying nothing at all. Unfortunately, Barack Obama didn't ask my opinion before comparing the the Virginia shootings to the "verbal violence" of Don Imus' comments. Yeah, they're really the same thing. Jackass.

Stop Crying Wolf

2007-04-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

So Don Imus has now been suspended for 2 weeks, and I'm calling shenanigans on the whole thing. The controversy began when he called a women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos". If this were about the fact that he called them hos, I'd maybe understand. But no, it's the nappy part that has people all in a tizzy. Apparently you're only allowed to use the word nappy if you're black. There are books (see above), hair care lines, and even a hair salon in Los Angeles that all use the word. So Al Sharpton and Co., stop with this nonsense about Don being a racist. It's ridiculous. Making a huge deal over something like this only cheapens the word 'racist'. It's shameful that you're so starved for media coverage that you would rather pick an easy target like Don instead of spotlighting some true racism. Perhaps you should stick with falsely accusing people of rape.

Shut Up for Cristo's Sake!

2007-04-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

I am really getting tired of protesters. Ken Burns has created another longer-than-the-event-itself documentary, "The War" for PBS. It tells the WWII experience through the eyes of four towns in America. At 14 hours, it is quite expansive and said to be his best documentary yet. So what's the problem? Well, it doesn't feature the Latino war experience. Apparently a group that "polices" the portrayal of Latinos in various media heard about the project and asked if it featured any Latinos. When they heard it didn't, they sprung into action. The lead agitator, Maggie Rivas-Rodriguez, said

"(I) would like to see the project expanded to include the Latino experience, perhaps even by a couple of hours. A separate film has little appeal, because few beyond those directly involved would care. It has to be something substantive. It can’t be simply inserting someone with a (Latin) last name and saying, ‘Oh, yeah, he was there, too.’"

While I can certainly understand someone wanting to see those with their heritage included in such a project, I think it's beyond presumptuous to think that you can then impose that desire on a filmmaker. All involved agree the exclusion was not based on racism. Burns said that there were thousands of stories that weren't told. When you narrow your focus as he did, there will be many groups that won't see their experience represented. Should he go back and make it 48 hours long to make sure that every member of every possible group or ethnicity is included? That's ridiculous. And so is this woman and the media that seems to be feeding into the idea that Latinos should be "represented". Enough of the politically correct B.S.!

Shameful

2007-04-05T17:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently when you don't agree with the President's foreign policy, you just go over and pretend like you have the authority to speak for the country. No, no- don't worry about getting someone with your views elected as the president, just do your own thing.

By the way, you know that guy behind her is just waiting for his chance to put a snuke in her.

Fatty, Fatty Two By Four

2007-04-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hey fatties in Rio: STOP EATING. Then you won't be embarrassed that you have to use medical equipment designed for horses.

666 Is The Mark of the Beast

2007-04-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

FYI - The Antichrist is here.

When Will It End?

2006-10-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

A school in south Boston banned the game of tag during recess, citing concerns about kids getting hurt and holding the school liable. I understand that in our overly litigious world you have to take some precautions, but tag? Really? I remembered an email that someone sent recently and I thought it was very appropriate:

TO ALL THE KIDS
WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound, CD's or Ipods, no cell phones!, no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!

Is Everything About Race?

2006-10-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Chris Rock's mother is planning to sue Cracker Barrel Restaurants because she had to wait a half an hour before being served. To add insult to injury, she was offered a free meal when the wait was brought to a manager's attention. Oh the humanity! She is claiming she was not served quickly because she was black. And she's right. Only black people are made to wait. I'm sure the wait staff did a huddle when they saw her walk in and made a pact not to serve her just because she was black. GET OVER IT! I'm so tired of EVERYTHING being about race. Sometimes people are just rude. I have had to wait 15 minutes to be served. And then the server acted like they were doing me a favor by taking my order. Is it because I'm white?

That's an actual picture of Ms. Rock by the way. Standing with the white woman whose car she's about to steal. Now THAT's racist.

Cheater

2006-08-12T01:03:00.000-07:00

While reading this story about Cindy Sheehan's hospitalization for dehydration I came across an interesting piece of information. Cindy's been on a liquid diet during her "hunger strike". I think it's kind of cheating if you're sneaking nourishment via liquids. If she's in no danger of dying, why do it at all?

Get A Grip

2006-08-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

We know Paul Reubens will be there...

Should I Be Worried?

2006-07-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

My sister called me over the weekend because she had a dream that something awful happened to me. It concerned her enough to call and make sure I was okay.

I just got a call from my friend Marcia who informed me that she too had a dream that something bad had happened.

Be sure to call or email me to let me know how much I mean to you, I may not be around long...

Countdown To The Grand Arising

2006-07-22T23:40:00.000-07:00

Cowabunga, dude!

Paris Gets Some Brown Bubbles

2006-07-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

I know I'm beating a dead whorse here (I think I may have just coined a new word there), but I HATE Paris Hilton. I love that baby showed it's displeasure with Paris' recycling of her Carl's Jr. bathing suit by literally pooping on her.

Just For Barb

2006-07-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

A box of money, dumb as.

You Really CAN Put Someone's Eye Out

2006-07-19T16:01:00.000-07:00

Apparently this guy didn't listen to his mother's advice about throwing things...

Doesn't Care For Baby Poop

2006-07-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

Who Pays For These Studies?

2006-07-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

A recent study determined that moms prefer the smell of their own baby's poop. WHY? Why is someone researching this? I read the article and could not figure out who was supposed to benefit from this information. And who volunteers to smell dirty diapers?

That's Just Great.

2006-06-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

As if the planet wasn't crowded enough, now we get this.

So many questions came up when watching this video, none the least of which is why Anna is making this announcement while floating around in a pool. I love how she talks about "hearing a lot of gossip" and then follows it up with "like is she pregnant? She's pregnant. Is she pregnant by some guy?" You kind of just repeated the 'gossip' 3 times.

And are you really "stopping all the rumors" if you're CONFIRMING what they've all been saying?

Likewise

2006-06-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

It's not every day that you have a friend that will say something that makes your heart smile. From Mr. Fraser:

It's amazing, Zak, that even though it's raining here in Damariscotta, that you can still make it seem like a sunny day.

Back at you friend of friends.

Um. Yeah.

2006-05-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

I could probably rant for about 12 pages about the current protests. Instead I'm just going to let the photo speak for itself.

Can't. Look. Away.

2006-04-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

This picture is above a Drudge headline about Lee Raymond's Exxon retirement package. It took me a good 10 minutes to finally get to the headline. I couldn't stop staring at that waddle. It's almost as if his freakishly fat face melted and the resulting pool of flesh settled at the bottom of his chin. Add to that the dopey open mouth smile that almost begs the caption "duh!" I hope he uses some of the $400 million dollars he's getting to retire to get a double-chin-ectomy. I mean it's enormous. It almost covers his tie. Okay. I just have to walk away now. Wait. It's pulling me back in. Help. I'm being sucked into it's gravitational pull. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Can Your Movie Just Bomb Already?

2006-03-28T08:57:00.000-08:00

It seems as though Sharon Stone has now given her opinion of every single subject known to man-kind. I'm afraid we're going to continue to hear her crazy ramblings until "Basic Instinct 2" limps into theaters later this week. Until then, enjoy this article on Sharon's views on safe sex. Apparently she accosts teenagers while shopping in order to educate them. Really?

Oh. No.

2006-03-15T08:31:00.000-08:00

Just Stop Talking...Please

2006-03-15T08:23:00.000-08:00

While promoting her new movie "Basic Instict 2" Sharon Stone talked about her recent bout with brain cancer:

“I was close to death at one point and saw the white light many people claim they see,” Stone told the Sunday Times of London. “I did see people I knew had died, as close and real as any living being. I felt I only had to step over a narrow line and I’d have joined them.”

Run towards the light next time Sharon...please cross that narrow line.

All 4 Cameras

2006-02-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

Don't be jealous....but I went to a Will & Grace taping last night.

About a month ago, we were able to get "VIP" passes through a co-worker who knew a writer on the show. They tape every Tuesday, and we had our pick of what day we wanted. Since the three of us that were going were currently unattached, we decided that Valentine's Day would be a good day to go.

About 2 weeks before the big day, we received an email indicating that the date had been moved to Wednesday. What could have prompted this sudden date change? Did someone finally look at a calendar and realize that Tuesday was Valentine's Day? Or could it be that the change was made to accommodate a celebrity's schedule? We decided that it was the latter and quickly started speculating that we would be attending the much ballyhooed Britney Spears episode. It made sense- surely Mr. Spears had a romantic evening of candlelight, Cheetos and tone-deaf rapping planned, why would Britney want to miss out on that?

We had gotten ourselves quite worked up by the time that "the" Wednesday finally rolled around. And bonus- as I was going with my boss it was totally cool that we had to leave at 3. Drunk with "VIP ticket holder" power, we were immediately annoyed that we had to wait for the 2(!) whole cars ahead of us to get into the parking structure. "Don't they have a VIP ticket entrance?" we wondered. As we walked to the soundstage we made sure people got out of our way- "VIPs coming through!" When we finally got to the stage and asked where the VIP line was, the woman answering pointed to the line...of about 40 people.

Thankfully we had assigned seats, so it didn't matter what place in line we were. After about 40 minutes of waiting, they started to let us in. As we started to get closer to the entrance we were able to spot some of the "regular" ticket holders. Barb, my boss, said "you can tell they aren't VIP by the way they dress". It was true. Thankfully we never had to mingle with the common folk. There were a few close calls though. There were two open seats next to us that came dangerously close to being filled by "regulars". Ultimately they went to an obnoxious couple. They almost made me wish that regulars had sat next to us. Almost.

As is the case with virtually every taping, a stand-up comedian was on hand to keep us from falling asleep between settings. There was also a house band there for some inexplicable reason. Everyone was excited at the idea...at first. It took only one song for everyone to wish they had brought earplugs. Seriously. This was like bad karaoke. The musicians were okay, but the guy singing was absolutely awful. During his introductions there was promise of candy, free t-shirts, mugs, autographed pictures, and (for extra enthusiastic audience members) backstage passes! When all was said and done, we got a few Hershey minis and 2 t-shirts were given out. He was a big. Fat. Liar. I literally had a sore throat at the end of the night from all the yelling. And for what? 3 Krackel bars? If I get to go again they're getting golf claps from me.

And now to the show itself. SPOILER ALERT!!! Stop reading if you don't want to know about the episode ahead of time. I know, I'd still be reading too. So here it is. I'm going in taping order which should be the way it airs, but don't quote me on it.

The show begins with a scene in Jack's office. His boss informs him that the network has been bought by another company, and that a new co-host is being added to his show. And then...this happened:

Oh yeah...it was the Britney Spears episode. And just when you thought you couldn't be any more jealous of me. The next scene takes place in a department store. Grace is having her makeup done by a saleswoman named Cricket. And who plays Cricket? That would be Ms. Wanda Sykes:

She looked amazing. Karen then wanders in and Grace talks about how excited she is to be having a baby. Karen is so taken with Grace's enthusiasm that she decides to have a baby too- and asks Cricket to have it for her.

Meanwhile, back at OutTV... Jack is surprised when Britney announces that the scheduled guest (George Takei) has been moved to the next day. She then proceeds to do a segment during which she announces that anyone who doesn't agree with the president is a "dirty traitor" (after that she pulls a string revealing the American flag featured in the video clip). After the show, Britney pulls Jack aside and suggests that he "play along" with the new conservative slant of the show. She then reveals that she's a lesbian and is only 'acting' like she's conservative.

Meanwhile, at Karen's mansion... Cricket has passed the physical (performed by Karen) and starts to question Karen's motives for having a child. When Karen reveals it's to try and solve some marital difficulties, Cricket backs out. Grace comes over and accuses Karen of only wanting to have a baby because she wants to compete with her.

It's the next day at OutTV and Sulu himself stops by:

I don't know if it's cool or just sad that he flashed the "live long and prosper" sign to the audience before his scene. No, it's just sad I've decided. Before the show, Britney tells Jack that he can't say the George is gay on the show. Will has a heart to heart with Jack and encourages him to be himself. Later, when Britney introduces him as "legendary ladies man George Takei" Jack throws a fit and says he refuses to pretend anymore and storms off.

Karen and Grace make up, and Karen reveals that she is thinking about leaving Stan. They hug.

In the final scene in Jack's office, Jack tells Will that he's glad he stood up for himself. Will says "you don't realize what happened, do you?” Cut to- Britney in Jack's desk saying "get out of my office!" Jack then vows to leave with dignity. Cut to- him grabbing the desk and Will literally dragging him out with Jack pulling the desk (and Britney) with him.

It was hard to believe that 5(!) hours had passed. The cast took their bows and it was time to leave. After about 10 minutes when the 300 + people were still trying to make their way out of the one exit, a page came in and screamed "I need everyone out of here NOW!" Apparently people were supposed to have stampeded over one another in a mad dash to exit the building the second the show ended.

That aside, it was a great experience. To see a show live that I have enjoyed for so many years was amazing. The episode is called "Buy Buy Baby" and is scheduled to air March 30th.

Help Me Help You

2006-02-12T22:38:00.000-08:00

This blog should benefit me as well as you, right? With that in mind I thought I could use this forum to receive suggestions for excuses. I guess I should back up and explain where this is coming from.

I got a message from Natasha yesterday. I didn't receive it until later in the evening. She called me again today while I was napping. I returned the call around dinner time. When she asked why it had taken so long for me to call back, I explained that my phone was on vibrate yesterday, and I didn't realize she had called until later when I went out. Her response:

"That's a good one. Who would question that? There's no way to verify that so..."

She had a similar reaction to the nap excuse. As impressed as she was with the cleverness of the excuse though, I'm not sure she bought it. Surely with all 3 of you who read this blog we can come up with an impressive enough list that I'll publish for all to use. If you think of one after this post disappears, just email me. Here are some possible scenarios to help jumpstart the excuses:

Why haven't you called me?
Why haven't you emailed me?
Why weren't you at the party last night?
When are we going to get together?

Hollywood Hike

2006-02-12T22:12:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I have gone on a Sunday hike with super-hiker JRu. Today we mixed things up and hiked to the Hollywood sign. I have wanted to do this hike since I moved to California, and I can't believe it's taken me so long to finally do it. It's about 45 minutes there and back, and the hike there goes up. And up. And up some more. The view is worth it though:

This view almost makes me want to move to the Hollywood hills and risk sliding down during a freak rain storm. Almost.

Oh, and yes it was 90 degrees today. And it's February. Don't be jealous Maine! Don't be hating, Washington! You'll have great weather...in about 5 months.

Paging Ms. Adelman

2006-02-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

Kim Adelman is accomplished in many fields. Apparently ad writer can now be added to her resume:

If she's not responsible for this, she should sue. That phrase was invented by her.

Promise Fulfilled

2006-02-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

I have gotten numerous complaints about the lack of postings this year. One was from Beckles- who said she would be happy with any update...including a photo of the inside of my refrigerator. Done.

But wait, there's more! As an added bonus, here's the inside of my freezer:

Herbie The "Love" Bug

2006-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in awhile- you can blame work and my new '24' obsession. I'll take some time this weekend to get everyone caught up on what's been happening. In the meantime check out Herbie's submission for the Converse commercial contest:

Powered by Castpost

Michelle Jackson?

2006-01-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

First he "accidentally" uses the women's bathroom, now this:

~~Pop star~~ Child molester Michael Jackson was seen shopping in the Gulf Arab state of Bahrain on Wednesday disguised as a traditional Arab woman, apparently to avoid public attention.

Jackson, who has been living in Bahrain since June last year as a guest of the royal family, was spotted at a popular downtown mall wearing a black abaya robe, black gloves, sunglasses and a veil that covered his face.

I'm just waiting for the news report that Michael Jackson has actually become a woman...

Just For Barb

2006-01-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

When I came across these mermaid coat hooks in a catalog, I couldn't help but think that..

The mermaid on the left just farted.

And

The mermaid on the right has B.O.

Yeah, it's 5th grade humor, but so what?

Wanted: Good Car Air freshener

2006-01-05T01:02:00.000-08:00

Why is it that car air fresheners seem to smell better in the store? I bought a little canister air freshener at Bed Bath and Beyond a few weeks ago and thought it smelled great. I had it in my car for an hour or so while I was doing some errands and I thought the scent was familiar- and not in a good way. I finally placed it- it smelled like Skittle's litter box after she goes #1. Needless to say that was tossed immediately.

Today I tried another air freshener from Bed Bath and Beyond- this one is a gel "Yankee candle". I couldn't really get a good whiff of it in the store. I now know to open the package before buying it. This one, labeled "sage citrus", almost instantly filled my car with the scent of Old Spice deodorant. I don't want my car to smell like a locker room, thanks.

Hopefully I can go back and find a decent scent in the Yankee brand- it really worked well. Does anyone have any suggestions for a good scent or brand?

Blackout

2006-01-05T00:52:00.000-08:00

The power went out in my area on Monday. This is what it looked like in my apartment before I turned on my brand new wind-up flashlight that I got for Christmas. Fortunately I had a bunch of candles and my portable DVD player. You never really think about how much electricity you use until you don't have it. I couldn't open my refrigerator, no TV, no cordless phone and obviously no light for reading. I did feel at home with the no internet since my parents refuse to get a computer. It is nice to have it back though.

Be sure to read the comments on this post because I'm sure my mother will have something to say like "I can go to the library if I need to check the internet" or something.

Washington Christmas Extravaganza

2006-01-01T23:47:00.000-08:00

It's so wonderful to be back in ~~sunny~~ rainy, miserable California. As if the (mostly) non-stop rain in Washington wasn't punishment enough, now I have to experience it here. Oh well. After 10 days of the kind of excitement that only the Northwest can provide I have some fun stories. Here is the recap:

NEW YAHTZEE CHAMP

I played Yahtzee almost every night I was in Washington. It was a grudge match of sorts with my mother who was annoyed that I had proclaimed myself Yahtzee Master last year when I had in fact tied with her. I had victory in my grasp on a few occasions, but when all was said and done she beat me by 4 games. I received electronic Yahtzee as a gift and I'll be practicing. That crown will be mine!

BABY'S FIRST VISIT FROM UNCLE ZAK

Two friends gave birth in the last few months and it was great to finally see their babies. Thank God they both had cute babies so I didn't have to lie. I somehow got a hold of the phrase "baby's first _____", and I immediately started wearing it into the ground. In the photo you can see baby's first receding hairline (on Morgan, left) and baby's first mullet (on Matthew, right).

Marcia (right) moved recently, and so I went to see her new house, and help her organize things a bit. We had to take a ferry to get there- just like on Grey's Anatomy (they call it a "ferry boat" on the show for some reason). So of course I named it the "Grey's Anatomy Ferry Boat".

I thought this picture made Matthew look abandoned...on the Grey's Anatomy ferry boat. Maybe Dr. Dreamy will find him and adopt him!

This is a much better picture of him- and it shows his favorite new toy "dinosaur". Pretty clever name, huh?

DALE ERNHARDT HE'S NOT

My mom has long complained about my dad's driving. We have experienced a few close calls while he's been behind the wheel. On our way to go for a hike, he demonstrated his driving techniques:

One finger for "casual driving".

Two fingers for when you "really need control". Seriously. He drives with only a finger most of the time.

Somehow we made it to the Nisqually Delta alive and proceeded to try and get a hike in before it started to rain. My dad spotted this giant nest, so I got closer to get a picture.

The nest was home to two bald eagles that apparently were startled by my presence. They both flew out of the nest one right after the other.

This photo really doesn't do them justice- they have a big wingspan and were really inspiring to watch.

They finally settled on a tree further down on the hiking trail.

Well that's all I have for now. If I get inspired I might write about more later. Until then- have a great 2006!

Not Since Mother Ruane Was In Eugene

2006-01-01T22:59:00.000-08:00

I knew that the Ruane's were a crazy bunch, but now I'm a little worried. I think they may have a tree face addiction. This is the latest in their growing collection.

I'm Off!

2005-12-21T13:47:00.000-08:00

I'm heading back home for Christmas today. My parents don't have a computer, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post while I'm there. See you in 2006!

You're A Creepy One, Mr. Pope

2005-12-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

Every time I see a picture of the new Pope, he really creeps me out. He is like the poster-child for molester priests. Don't believe me? Here's exhibit A:

He looks like the Grinch! And the Grinch is a creepy cartoon! Can't you just hear him say "come sit on my lap?"

Downhill Slide

2005-12-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

When did Bob Dylan start looking like Ronald Reagan? Yikes!

(Dylan's on the left).

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

2005-12-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

In a recent article, Woody Allen described himself as "mediocre director of miserable work". It is so refreshing to have a director be that honest. I would have gone a step further though and added "shameful pedophile".

Straight To The Tops

2005-12-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

According to JRu, "anyone who geeks out and devotes an entire blog entry to their cats is tops in my book". Done.

Skittles has been quite naughty lately. I'm not sure if she has a secret stash of catnip somewhere or what, but she just trips out. First she was drawn to my fake Christmas tree, insisting on chewing on the branches. I guess the high is worth the coughing fits she has aftewards.

Today she discovered some shreds in the garbage can. No amount of "that's a bad kitty!" shouts from me could keep her away.

She was especially fond of the plastic string that the newspaper was wrapped in.

Look at those crazy eyes!

I might have to sleep with one eye open...

A Familiar Ringer

2005-12-15T00:21:00.000-08:00

When I saw the trailer for the new film "The Ringer", I felt a little deja vu.

To put it in David Spade terms, I liked it better the first time when it was called "Up the Down Steroid" (an episode of South Park).

Well, apparently there is more to the story. Who knew that the idea of a normal person trying to rig the Special Olympics would be so popular?

An Arresting Development

2005-12-14T23:53:00.000-08:00

After weeks of bemoaning the early demise of my favorite show, Arrested Development, I was excited to read that some other networks (ABC, Showtime) are FINALLY in talks to pick up the show.

To the ABC executive that might come across this blog during a random Google search:

I am BEGGING you to pick up this show. You've already got me with Desperate Housewives, Lost, Invasion, Alias, and (on occasion) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (but seriously, what's the deal with the half-people you're giving houses to?). If you were to grab Arrested, I would be a fan for life. Or at least until the shows I just mentioned go off the air. Don't let Showtime steal this, I don't get that channel and refuse to pay an extra 12 bucks a month for that useless channel. Continue that trek to the top of the ratings. Stick a flag in the stomach of the old-people network CBS and claim victory!

Please Don't Mess This Up!

2005-12-14T23:18:00.000-08:00

The new trailer for "The Da Vinci Code" in now online. I love the book, and was truly disappointed to hear that Tom ("Wilson!!!") Hanks was cast in the lead. I think the film would have been much more effective with an unknown as Robert Langdon. I am hoping that Ron Howard rises above his tendency for hackiness and does a good job with this..

The trailer starts out with some beautiful shots, including this one of the Louvre.

The trailer reinforces my point that anyone could have played Hanks' role. There are only a handful of shots of him, and you don't hear him speak at all. Could it be that the material is strong enough without $20 million Hanks' mug to sell tickets?

Meanwhile, back at Wayne Manor...

Jean Reno was a great choice for Bezu Fache.

Is that Draco Malfoy?

And what's the deal with the tiny car? Really?

Dead

2005-12-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

Finally.

Party On A Stick

2005-12-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of attending the Great Ruane Chrismukkah Extravaganza on Saturday. The Ruanes have a great house for parties, and they both go out of their way to make sure everyone has a great time. With plenty of food and drinks, what's not to love? I didn't take pictures, so this 'artist’s rendition' will have to suffice...

I got to JRu's house a little after 10. It took me 20 minutes to find parking. Ridonculous!*

When I finally arrived I was greeted by Natasha, Jo Jo B and Kim. Natasha informed me that she was about to leave so I had to make the most of my time with her.

Most of that time was spent helping her to make arrangements to get to another party. Natasha informed of the importance of expanding her social horizons, and she claimed this couldn't be accomplished while 'surrounded by gays' (the party was a bit homo heavy). Fortunately we were able to squeeze in a few minutes of chat while Joy called a taxi.

Shortly before Natasha left I noticed that Kim was busy chatting with some guy (whose name I can't remember) that came with Jimmy. I must admit that I was a little jealous of all the attention he was getting from her.

Jimmy and I joined in the conversation, and we talked for a bit before Jimmy announced he was leaving.

Kim, Jo Jo B and I moved into the back sitting room once Jimmy left. Kim got to sit in an oversized chair which looked quite comfortable. When the clock struck midnight we called it a night and left.

It was again "good times" at the Ruanes- can't wait for the next one...

*I got the word "ridonculous" from the Showbiz Show with David Spade. When I used this word while talking with JRu he was shocked. Apparently his sister and he have been using that word for several years. I will officially credit him from now on when I use it.

Will-Snow

2005-12-09T19:35:00.000-08:00

Will checked in with the following message:

I wouldn't normally send boring pics, but thought you might be interested in seeing what happened in Damariscotta after only a few hours of snow....

Here are the attached pictures:

Pictures of you are never boring Mr. Fraser...

It's Baaaack!

2005-12-08T23:53:00.000-08:00

The new cast of "Dancing With The Stars" has been revealed. I guess it's to be expected, but some of the descriptions for the 'stars' are ~~mostly lies~~ generous at best:

Filling the fading beauty/Rachel Hunter spot:

Tia Carrere - "(Cheesy) Television and (B) movie star known for her (former) stunning beauty. She will be partnered with professional dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy." Parentheses are mine of course.

AND

Lisa Rinna - "Actress, entrepreneur and host of SOAPnet's "Soap Talk." She will be partnered with professional dancer Louis van Amstel, who returns to the series from last season". I just saw her at Whole Foods yesterday and she puts the FORMER in "former beauty". Yikes!

Filling the ditsy TV star/Trista Stutter spot:

Giselle Fernandez - "(Local cable) Emmy Award-winning journalist. She will be partnered with professional dancer Jonathan Roberts, who returns to the series from last season." I hear that this gal is a functioning retard. Seriously.

Filling the bloated over-actor/John O'Hurley spot:

George Hamilton - "Actor and international bon vivant. He will be partnered with professional dancer Edyta Sliwinska, who makes her second appearance in the series." I wonder if he'll be as classy as John? And by classy I mean sore-losery.

Filling the "100's of nude pics on the internet"/Kelly Monaco spot:

Stacy Kiebler - "WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) diva. She will be partnered with professional dancer Tony Dovolani". At least she doesn't work for ABC...

Filling the former boy band member/Joey McIntyre spot:

Drew Lachey - "Recording artist and former member of the pop group 98 Degrees. He will be partnered with professional dancer Cheryl Burke". But will he have Joey's perma-smile?

AND

Romeo - "Teen rap star and performer since age 11. He will be partnered with professional dancer Ashly Delgrosso, who also returns to the series from last season". Why did my Ashly get stuck with this dead weight?

Filling the over-the-hill former athlete/Evander Holyfield spot:

Jerry Rice - "Three-time Super Bowl champ and considered by many to be the greatest wide receiver to ever play in the NFL. He will be partnered with professional dancer Anna Trebunskaya". Here's hoping he doesn't have Evander's cement feet.

AND

Kenny Mayne - "One of ESPN's most-recognized personalities, known for his dry wit and a former college quarterback. He will be partnered with professional dancer Andrea Hale". I guess I don't recognize him because I don't watch ESPN.

Filling the newly created "my how the mighty have fallen" spot:

Tatum O'Neal - "Academy Award-winning actress. She will be partnered with professional dancer Nick Kosovich". I guess her book didn't sell enough copies to keep her family fed.

It will be interesting to see if having 10 "stars" instead of 6 will be a good change or not. Prepare to be Velveeta-ed January 5, 2006.

Gas Fight!

2005-12-07T01:03:00.000-08:00

I had an amazing time at the Hollywood Heart benefit "Don't Call Us, We'll Call You" last night. Normally I don't do crowds or charity, but I made an exception as it involved the one and only Ms. Natasha Cuba.

Presented at the Coronet theater on La Cienega (it's Beverly Hills adjacent!), the event featured top casting directors performing portions of movies, TV shows, and musicals. I wasn't really sure what I was getting into for my $25, so thankfully I had JRu as a safety net.

I was happy that there was free food beforehand- I was quite hungry and scarfed down a burrito. The charity has its base of operation at Evolution (my "Switched" and "Yin Yang Thing" stomping ground) so I saw several "Evo-lites" (Evolutionaries?) there. After a bit of chit-chat we hooked up with Jo Jo B and sat down.

Once things got underway I was excited that there were a few 'celebrities' there. The evening was hosted by Joy Gohring (who starred in "One Sung Hero" the short film I worked on) and Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy!!!!).

They were hilarious hosts and were the best part of the show (after Natasha of course- more on her later).

I also spotted Thomas "Lt. Dangle" Lennon, Stacey "Clueless" Dash and Nicholle "The Nanny" Thom in the crowd:

I actually bumped into Stacey as I was trying to wade through the sea of people at the after party. Talk about a brush with fame...

It's kind of hard to describe the performances themselves- they were very "you had to be there". Most everyone busted up laughing during the sketches, and blatantly read off of scripts. It was hilarious for the people who knew the performers- not so much for the people just watching. They also tended to be very "Saturday Night Live"- meaning they went on for about 5 minutes longer than they should have. Overall they were amusing and I'm glad I went.

The hands-down highlight of the evening though was the peerless Ms. Cuba. She performed a selection from the film "Zoolander" with her colleague Blythe assuming the Ben Stiller role. Natasha bravely channeled Will Ferrell in the Mugatu part- white wig and all:

They performed the scene that had the Mugatu character throwing coffee at his assistant before showing Ben Stiller the model of the house for children's literacy. Natasha went method and literally threw a cup FULL of some sort of tea at her 'assistant' making a big mess onstage. It got a huge laugh- and she proved that comedy can't always be clean.

After hanging out for a bit in her dressing room after the show, we headed home. I think that Natasha should definitely cast herself in something, she was quite good...

Finally- A Picture!

2005-12-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

Morgan Vaughn Thomas

Born Wednesday, November 30, 2005
At 7:45 AM

8 pounds, 3 ounces
21.00 inches

I'm not sure about the Seahawks getup, but he's still adorable...

Dama You!

2005-12-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

Will really knows how to rub it in. He sent a link to the "Dama Cam", a webcam in his hometown of Damariscotta that gives the above view of his picturesque village. He claims to have sent the link so we can check out his hometown "anytime we like".

What he's really saying though is "my hometown is better than where you're living. See? No traffic here! I'd love to see a webcam of LA, but ohhhh you don't have one! And even if you did you couldn't see anything because of the smog!"

I see right through your evil plan Mr. Fraser.

The Most Advanced Advancement!

2005-12-04T18:43:00.000-08:00

I normally ignore commercials, or skip past them. But when I heard the following three words during a recent Oral-B "Triumph" commercial I stopped. Then rewound. Then played it again. Did I hear it right? Did they really just say that? After trumpeting the brush as the most "advanced brush available" they then tout the most RIDICULOUS feature. Are you ready? The Oral-B Triumph features an:

ON BOARD COMPUTER.

So THAT'S what my ordinary brush has been lacking! A computer.

AMAZING!

2005-12-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, Sam didn't actually make the announcement with a post-it, but it would have been fitting wouldn't it?

Here's the poster:

Retard-TED

2005-12-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

I came across this ad for the A&E movie "Knights of the South Bronx" about a teacher who "gets through" to some inner-city kids by teaching them chess. I couldn't resist commenting on it. Let me start with the poster:

Isn't it clever how the street is like a chess board?

Hey, it's Walt from "Lost"!

If the kids are supposed to be poor, why are they all wearing name brand designer clothes?

Why does the black girl look like she's about to snap her fingers and say "Oh no you didn't"?

Why do the taglines for these kinds of movies always have to be groan-worthy? "Their future began when he taught them to pick up the pieces". It works on two levels you see- pieces of their life, and "chess" pieces. Witty!

And now to the movie itself (warning, spoilers ahead). Rich, successful, WHITE teacher Ted Danson is fired from his job for blowing the whistle on colleagues who are stealing (oh the injustice!). He then takes a temporary teaching job in the South Bronx. Let the "inspired by a true story" clichés begin!

Are the black kids disillusioned with the world? Yep. Is one of them getting pressure from a gang? Yep. Does one of them have a rough home life complete with drug-addicted mother? Yep. Is this brave, white teacher able to get through to these kids using some kind of sport? Yep. Is their first match going to be against a rich, preppy white school? Will they be looked down upon for not having the uniforms and gear the white kids have? Yep and yep. If you can't see where the rest of this movie is headed, I guess you haven't seen the 500 inspirational sports movies that have come before it.

See it for yourself Tuesday, December 6th at 8p.m. A&E.

Pavel's Side Job?

2005-12-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

There have been several stories in the news lately about email scams. It's hard for me to believe that promises of easy money or companionship sent by a complete stranger in another country would actually be believed by someone, but it's a booming business apparently. So imagine my excitement when I finally got one of these little gems:

Hey

I am flying to work in the USA for some time
may be we can meet each other and have some good time
or may be more. I am looking forward to receiving your message
to my personal email cuttie@realmeet.info.
I will reply with a $pictu$re
I am pretty woman

Do not rreply to this email. WriteL to me directly.

At first I didn't really think anything of it. Upon closer inspection however, I began to wonder...could this be the work of Pavel? I know it sounds crazy, but his telltale spelling errors are there. Add that to the fact that he is currently unemployed and I think I may be on to something. I guess it would be awfully coincidental for my address to be one of the thousands of addresses he would have sent the message to, but it's possible. And that’s enough for me to write about it…

It's Officially Christmas

2005-12-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

I know that stores have had Christmas items out for a month, and radio stations are already playing 24-7 Christmas music. It isn't Christmas for me though until I get a wreath from my friend Sandy.

This isn't some bought-it-as-an-afterthought-at-a-roadside-Christmas tree-lot wreath either. It's handmade, and shipped from Vermont. I decided to put it indoors this year so I can enjoy the wonderful smell. Don't be jealous...

Congrats!

2005-12-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

After 35 hours of labor, Morgan Vaughn Thomas was finally born yesterday. Hopefully pictures will be available soon.

Fascinatingly Dull

2005-11-30T09:18:00.000-08:00

Baba Wawa was shot full of botox and trotted out to host another one of her meaningless specials last night. This time it was "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005".

I was surprised at how poorly the show was put together. It consisted of several recycled interviews she had done earlier in the year. Two of the people featured were never interviewed by Babs- she just narrated stock footage of them. Because it was only an hour show and there were 10 people to get through, the interviews were brief and choppy. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually wished they were a little longer.

Still in place were Babs legendary soft/odd ball questions. To Dakota Fanning: "are you a spoiled brat?". To Lance Armstrong: "What songs does Sheryl (Crow) sing to you?" That's the best you can come up with? C'mon Barbara!

The worst moment of the whole show was when she announced the most fascinating person. Can you guess who it might be? Judith Miller from the NY Times? A hero from the Hurricane Katrina disaster? Um, no. Actually it's....

~~Man Face~~ Camilla Parker-Bowles. Why was she chosen? Because apparently no one seemed to be giving her props for her 30-year enduring love for Prince Charles. I guess I shouldn't expect more from such a hard-hitting journalist as Babs, but Camilla? Really? The MOST fascinating person of this entire year?

Weekend Story Roundup

2005-11-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

Here it is, the Cliff's Notes version of my weekend:

FRIDAY

After a wonderful hike in the Burbank mountains, Jo and I decided to join the 5,000 other people in the mall for a little post-Thanksgiving shopping. Apparently the Glendale Galleria was hosting an "ugly day" because there was nothing but unattractive people there. We got our shopping done quickly (some new clothes for Jo, glasses for me) and got out of there.

Later that evening I scootered over to Herbie's for a little game of Scrabble. I was able to come in second (Shawna is GOOD), but had a brush with death in the process. The orange juice I was drinking had an odd taste to it. After a little investigation it was discovered that it expired in October, and had mold in the container. I am getting the dry heaves just thinking about it.

SATURDAY
Even though they had tried to kill me the night before, I agreed to go to the Grove with Herbie and Shawna to see "Syriana". I think the bad OJ affected my judgment because I was shocked that there were 50 million people there. Even though they were showing the movie on 2 screens it was still sold out. We bought tickets for the next day and headed to the happiest place on earth: SoupPlantation. Herbert had never been there before, so I got to play tour guide. I had to work on his feelings of guilt over not eating everything on his plate, and teach him how to use the soup bowl to build his dessert. As usual I overate and felt rather sick the rest of the night.

SUNDAY
I had been looking forward to my Sunday hike with JRu. It was a beautiful, crisp morning- perfect hiking weather. I got about 2 steps from my car when I saw the funniest sight I've experienced in quite awhile:

That's Nikka Costa (a singer) on the top who was hiking with 2 gays. I'm a fan of the celebrity sightings- even if it's someone I've barely heard of. The real story was that the 2 gays get into a small scooter with a sidecar and zip off. Try to ignore the two people in the picture and imagine two skinny guys instead. We got about 10 minutes worth of material out of the incident.

I then met up with Herbie and Shawna and finally saw Syriana. The movie was pretty good, although a bit hard to follow at times. As we were walking out I had an "Arrested Development" encounter:

Judy Greer (who plays "Kitty" on the show) walked to the parking structure with us. Okay it was more like walked near us, but whatever.

Crickets

2005-11-27T20:38:00.000-08:00

Who's the woman at the table surrounded by empty chairs?

It's Cindy Sheehan. Hard to believe that there isn't a huge crowd clamoring to have their copies of "Not One More Mother's Child" signed. After all, this is the woman who said "You get America out of Iraq and Israel out of Palestine and you'll stop the terrorism." With that kind of brilliant, well thought out advice you'd think that the line would be miles long.

Turkey Day!

2005-11-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

When you see this kind of holiday decorating, you know you're in for a good time. And good times it was at the Cabrera Family Thankgiving Extravaganza! That's Cabrera as in Shawna Cabrera (a.k.a. Herbie's better half). I was very excited to participate in the festivities as Shawna had told me stories about the 25+ people that usually show up.

I was not disappointed. There were kids running around and dogs trying to sneak food. Old people, young people, middle-aged people. Friends, relatives and neighbor kids. Most importantly, there was food. And a lot of it. Here is a sample of the good stuff:

Warm rolls!

Deep-fried turkey!

Mini-apple pies!

Shawna has an amazing family and I had a great time. We went for a walk after dinner and managed to free up some room for a few more desserts before we headed out. This next picture is just a random one I took of Herbert, but he looks so funny in it I had to share it.

I'm not sure why he looks so guilty...

Flea Market Fun

2005-11-24T10:17:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons I love Natasha so much is because I never know what I'll be doing when I hang out with her. Take for instance our recent journey into the land of the hippies.

Every Sunday the "Melrose Flea Market" is held in the Fairfax High parking lot. I've been to a few flea markets before and I usually come away disappointed. The idea is always quite exciting- the thought of picking up some little treasure for cheap is hard to resist. But as the smell of patchouli wafts through the air and you see the sea of peasant shirts coupled with Birkenstocks the excitement slowly fades. This experience was, unfortunately, no different.

I soon realized that Natasha had gotten her idea of garage sale prices from the flea market. She pointed out the prices on several items at the flea market that she had at her garage sale. "See, purses are going for $10!" I was unable to convince her that there was a difference between a garage sale and a flea market.

I am able to zip through these kinds of things quickly. One look at a table full of glass cats is all I need. Natasha was prepared to shop however. Every tent full of 'vintage' clothing had to be gone through lest a retro-hoodie be missed. My increasing crankiness was finally enough to tear her away. I explained to her that I HATE clothes shopping. I can trace it back to my childhood when I had to go with my mother. As she clutched her seasonal fabric wheel (I believe she was a 'winter'), my sister and I would be forced to entertain ourselves in the middle of the clothes racks. Sure, "hiding" in them was fun for a few minutes- but the novelty always wore off quickly.

Not wanting to deal with me cranky (I know some of you can relate- I didn't get the name "Cranky Christmas Shopper" for no reason); we decided to grab some lunch at the Grove. Fortunately a great meal at Wood Ranch was able to restore our good moods and we had a blast doing a little shopping at the Grove before seeing a movie. When I got home I could still smell the patchouli...

Snap Judgment

2005-11-24T01:39:00.000-08:00

"Yours, Mine, & Ours"?

I liked it better when it was called "Cheaper By The Dozen"*

I guess the message here is that it's hard to contain large groups of children behind doors...

*I haven't actually seen either film.

"Down" With Reese?

2005-11-24T01:17:00.000-08:00

Pavel sent me this picture, saying that "the daughter not only is a spitting image of her fugly mom, she also looks retarded". I've never thought Reese is ugly, just a bit of a fibber. Pavel may have a point about the kid though. I give you exhibit A:

Can you tell which one has Downs?

Chicken Little 3-D Adventure

2005-11-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

When JRu called and said he had an extra ticket for "Chicken Little 3-D" I was excited. Movie + 3-D + El Capitan Theater + JRu = Fun. After maneuvering the madness that is the Hollywood and Highland complex, I headed across the street to meet up with JRu and his friends at the Baja Fresh for a little pre-show dinner. JRu made the meal memorable by dropping food in his lap not once, not twice but four times. For some reason his friends kept calling him "Jonathan". Um, hi- his name is JRu. But they insisted on calling him Jonathan all night. Very disconcerting. But I digress.

After the meal we headed over to the El Cap. A long line had formed in front of the building. We soon discovered that it was the line for the "VIP" seats- we had general seating. So we were hustled to the side of the building where about 200 people were already waiting. Ever the entertainers, the Disney team dispatched a pair of stilt-walkers to keep us alley dwellers entertained until they let people in.

As soon as I saw them I became a kid. I waved as they tottered past and I actually said "hi stilt people". They both said hi back. JRu pretended he didn't know me. Although I was totally ready to "merge" (or 'cut' to be technical) no one else seemed interested in joining me so we were some of the last to be let in. I wasted no time once I got through the doors and ran up the stairs into the balcony area.

Fortunately we managed to find seats that weren't too bad and settled in. I broke my 3-D glasses within 5 minutes and had to get a replacement pair. As I walked back to my seat I noticed that there were a ton of primo "VIP" seats in the middle section. There were at least 30 seats open. I asked one of the ushers if we could sit there once the movie started. The answer was (of course) "no". The semi-retarded usher had no reason for this policy- he was only able to shrug and say that they had to stay open "in case" someone showed up in the middle of the movie. Here is a handy seating chart to show you where we were in relation to the off-limit seats.

Before I could get too annoyed with the stupid Disney seating police they distracted me by putting on a live show. There was a costumed Chicken Little and Abbey Mallard dancing around on stage to a "Cheetah Girls" song. As the burst of confetti settled over the audience I had forgotten all about the seating disappointment. Sneaky Disney!

Before I get into the actual movie I have a question about the character names. Here are some of them:

Buck Chuck
Turkey Lurkey
Foxy Loxy
Goosy Loosey
Morkubine Porcupine
and... Chicken Little.

Why isn't it Chicken Wicken or something rhyme-y? I know this is a question for the book's author, but it still bothered me throughout the film. Of course there was a lot to be bothered with. Where should I start? Hmmmm. Well there was the lack of anything really 3-D in the film. It was clearly something they tacked on at the last minute as a gimmick. Then there was the lack of a plot and character development. There were a few laughs, but overall it laid a big egg. Sorry, had to say it.

Thank goodness JRu and the overall spectacle of seeing the film at the El Cap overshadowed the stench of the movie. If you were thinking about going to see this- DON'T. Rent "The Incredibles" instead.

The Great Natasha Garage Sale

2005-11-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

When I first opened Natasha's garage I saw something like this.

It was a little overwhelming. There were boxes of files from shows dating back 10 years. Old furniture. A mattress. 20 boxes of clothing. And that's just what I could see on the surface. Yes, it was definitely time for a garage sale.

Having quite possibly been purchased at a garage sale by my parents (they were big fans), I KNOW garage sales. My game plan was to go through the entire garage and sort like items into piles. After we knew what we had we could price everything and be ready to go for the actual sale. After I explained my plan to Natasha you could hear a record scratch to a stop. "Um, I thought we'd just put everything out tomorrow". With no prices? "I don't price things". It didn't take long for it to become apparent that Natasha and I had different styles of garage sale preparation. Fortunately I was able to brow-beat her until she reluctantly made a semi-organized pile of like items. I did not win the price-beforehand battle. The garage sale was to start at 8 a.m. the next day.

ZAK'S GARAGE SALE TIP #1: Have everything out and neatly presented as soon as possible.
For those of you familiar with a garage sale you know that most garage sale business happens within the first few hours. You have the early birds who are there half and hour before it's supposed to start, and the serious 'sale-ers' who have the circled newspaper in hand and know exactly what they're looking for. I think you all know where this is going... After about 40 minutes I had everything hauled out of the garage and onto the sidewalk. All her shoes were placed on a blanket, I created an "electronics section" (with videos, DVDs and CDs showcased) and a "house wares section" (I could seriously work at Macy's it looked so good). I was quite proud that people were able to see everything that was available without having to dig through the 15 boxes they were in originally.

Natasha only had to organize the clothes. Granted, there were 2 HUGE boxes and about 18 garbage bags full stuff- but it was all one kind of item. During the 40 minutes Natasha managed to hang up about 30 items on a garment rack, and about 10 items on a tree. Needless to say not much more made it out of the boxes during the rest of the sale.

ZAK'S GARAGE SALE TIP #2: Everything should be priced, and priced reasonably.
Ideally you would take the time to label each item. Or have a box of items that are all the same price. If you don't have the time, you should at least know what you're going to sell something for. To her credit Natasha did have a ball-park idea of what things should go for- about 20% off retail. So if she paid $50 for a microwave, it should be $40. Never mind that you can purchase one NEW for that, she didn't want to lose money. Every time I or a garage-saler gasped at a price she threw out, it was followed by a "but I paid $______ for that".

ZAK'S GARAGE SALE TIP #3: Accept all reasonable offers.
The main purpose of a garage sale is to get rid of all your junk. If you can make some money doing it- even better. You can always count on the little old ladies offering you 50 cents for something marked a dollar. The higher priced items usually get a few bucks knocked off. But in Natasha world... NO NEGOTIATIONS! There was a bread basket that she priced for $3 (about $2 too much in my opinion). I would say 3 people offered to take it for $2. Each person was turned down flat. While Natasha was arguing with some women about the price of a purse I sold it to a guy for $2. Natasha was FURIOUS when she found out. I offered to give her a dollar, but she ultimately declined. I would say that at least 10 items could have been sold if she had only taken a dollar less than what she was asking.

After a few hours we both grew tired of the whole thing and decided to pack things up and donate the remaining items. JRu had arrived by this time and was helping to box things up. That is until the bottom of one of the clothing boxes gave way...

He is always such a good sport about posing for things like this.

Even with the ferocious negotiations, Natasha was still able to pull in over a hundred bucks. I have to admire her for sticking to her guns and not accepting anything less than what she wanted. I guess she probably will make more on the write-off for the donation than she would have selling the stuff...